I Feel Like I Swallowed a Grenade!

Yesterday, I did something extremely stupid! On the scale of 1-10 of most stupid food-related antics I’ve ever pulled, this is right up there at a 10! Looking back, I can’t believe how completely moronic I was, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I paid for it the rest of the day.

I sat down to catch up on the “I Am Cait” show on E! If you’re even a little interested in Caitlyn Jenner or transgender rights, I highly recommend this. It’s honestly nothing like the brain-melting dumbness that is “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”. It’s on a whole other, completely real level. Anyway, I was watching the latest episode that came out this past Sunday, and at the end she’s eating this “very sour” pickle. That got me craving pickles, so I raided the almost-empty pickle jar in our fridge and shared them with my child.

Then, a while later, I got a sweet craving, and my go-to fix for a sweet tooth is a PB&J sandwich. I made one up, and happily munched away while watching the latest episode of “Real Housewives of Orange County” (really, my only guilty TV pleasure as far as trash programming is concerned.) When I was through with my sandwich, I decided that only milk would do to wash it down, because you know how peanut butter likes to ball up and sort of sit in your esophagus.

OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! That was such a mistake! At first, I felt fine. I was doing great! I didn’t have the munchies and I was content to continue going about my day. And then, a couple of hours later, the consequences hit me like a mountain of bricks right in the gut! I had such bad cramps for a good hour before it finally decided to start actually doing something productive on my visits to the almighty porcelain throne! The agony! It was sheer, unadulterated hell in my colon! I felt like I had swallowed a grenade!

The rest of my day, all evening, was shot. I felt sick like I haven’t felt in a very long time. Thankfully, I had the makings for a meal in our fridge that my husband knew how to make, so he got the honors of fixing dinner for himself and the kiddo, while I worshipped the porcelain throne and nursed my poor, sore belly. I was in so much pain all night! I can definitely say I paid dearly for my food choices yesterday! It definitely was not worth it!

So, whatever you do, don’t ever eat that combination of foods, unless you’re a complete glutton for punishment, because you WILL regret it!


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