I’m Back… Again! With EXTRA Craziness!

I give up. I’m not even going to apologize for my long absence. I got so busy, and neglected a few things, including this blog. But, on my list of New Year’s Resolutions, I included “Blogging regularly” as one of the things I’d like to accomplish this year, so I’m going to put a lot more effort into staying on top of my little blog here.

Like I said, I’ve been busy the last half of 2015. My son is in 3rd grade this year, and school is starting to become more intense for both him and me. I’ve had family out to visit us several times since I last posted, including my little sister and her husband, just in time to throw her a killer birthday party. My man-child and I took a road trip back to Texas for Christmas to see family and friends, and my husband and I quietly rang in the New Year with a bottle of Champagne and then fell asleep.

Did you notice the part of the title about craziness? I’ll get to that now. I think I mentally blocked out a lot of the shit in my life before we moved here to SoCal, and it all came back to the surface over my Christmas trip back home. My mother flew out here to drive back to Texas with me, since my husband had to stay here to work. The idea was that she would drive back out here with me, as well, and then fly home when the trip was over, but that never happened. My mother also invited her sister down to her house for Christmas. This sister hasn’t been in contact with my mother for 23 years and she flew down from Denver to spend 5 days with us. For all the stories I’ve heard over the years about her, my aunt is actually pretty freakin’ awesome! At least I think so. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I got to spend with her before Christmas. My mother, on the other hand… Where do I even start with my fucking mother?!

I won’t sugar-coat this. My mom is borderline psychotic, and sometimes she crosses way over that line into full, mentally unstable psychosis. The week of Christmas was one of those times, and I finally just decided I’ve had enough of her shit. I’m done and I’m over it all. The Wednesday evening before Christmas, my mother took my aunt out to see a local Christmas lights attraction, and it is my understanding that on the drive to the location, they got into a discussion about whether or not the Bible condones divorce in any circumstance, and shit went downhill from there. I should note here that my mother is a one-time divorced woman and my aunt has been divorced twice. The discussion turned heated, and at that point my mother pulled over on the side of the interstate, called the police, and kicked my aunt out of her car. She then went back home, packed up all of my aunt’s luggage, and threw it out with my aunt on the side of the road. Since I’m not a shitty person and would never leave a family member stranded on the side of the road, hundreds of miles from home, with no way to get back, I went and picked my aunt up and drove her back to the airport that night. Apparently, being a decent human crosses a major line with my mother, because when I finally got back to her house after midnight, she tried to start a fight with me about it all. I managed to defuse it at that time by telling her I refused to discuss it with her then, but the following morning all hell broke loose. We were at my little sister’s house for the gift exchange, and my mother decided to get into a physical fight with me in front of my child because I took my aunt to the airport. I never once hit her, but every time she stood on top of me and tried to punch me, I pushed her off of me. She stumbled into my sister’s dining table several times. I was completely devastated and shaken apart over the entire ordeal. I ended up leaving to come home a day early, and wasn’t able to calm down and stop freaking out until I reached the other end of the state.

This brings me to another New Year’s Resolution I’ve made. I have decided that because my mother always causes and starts so many fights in our family and is just a downright nasty person on more occasions than I care to actually admit to, I’m done with her. I will be sending her a letter, informing her I want absolutely zero contact between her and anyone else in my household. In other words, I’ve decided that for the sanity of myself and my immediate family, I am cutting my mother off. Usually, this isn’t a good idea, but when a parent is a proven abuser, either mentally or physically, and they’ve been given countless opportunities to change, there comes a time when you have to stop making excuses for them and giving them second chances and just tell them to go to hell. This is where I’m at. I’m just done with it and I’m done with her. I don’t need her toxicity in my life, and living 1300 miles away from all of my family has proven that I can survive without needing them to hold my hands and help me out all of the time.

This isn’t an easy decision; I’ll be completely honest. It hurts, but I know that if I want to stop being pulled into all of the drama, I have to cut out the people who cause it. I’ll miss my mother, and all of the times she was actually a nice person to be around. I mourn the lost relationship between her and my child. However, unless I want this cycle of abuse to continue with him, I have to put a stop to it myself. Maybe when she loses everyone close to her, she’ll hit rock bottom and get help to change her ways. Until then, I won’t allow her to be a part of our lives. She causes a lot more hurt for us than she does happiness.

I hope my readers have an amazing 2016, and I wish the best for all of you! Remember, it doesn’t matter who the toxic person is in your life. You deserve better. This is my little life lesson from 2015.

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Go With the Flow

I have been pretty busy this past week, and I’m still trying to catch up on my rest from a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been so exhausted! I think because I went all out with celebrating my husband’s birthday and Father’s Day, my body has decided that it wants a vacation. I can’t remember the last time I’ve slept this much! It feels good, but I also know that when I’m sleeping, nothing is getting done! It’s a no-win situation.

I’m just going with the flow right now. I figure that I should probably listen to my body, and if it’s saying I need a break, then I shouldn’t push myself too far. I don’t want to end up doped up on pain relievers and laying in bed because I didn’t. That would be more shitty than just getting a little done here and there!

Fibromyalgia just sucks! It literally sucks. It sucks the energy out of your body when you most need it. I wouldn’t personally wish this on anyone. If you have it, you know what it’s like. I think that the best way to handle it is to pay attention to the signals your body and brain are sending and don’t try to override them. I’m not good at this, because when something needs to be done, I just want to do it and get it over with. I get very annoyed with myself when I can’t. Then, I start finding more stuff that needs to be done, and nit-picking at things I don’t feel I got done right. The next thing I know, I’m pushing myself to do all of it, and I find myself totally overwhelmed.

So, this week I’m going to just try to focus on feeling better. If I don’t post much, it’s probably because I’m taking a lot of naps.

Congratulations!

Today, I’m going to break from my normal WTF Friday. Today is a very important and special day. Today the Supreme Court ruled that ALL marriage is constitutional, and to deny the right to marry to the people of the LGBTQ community is illegal. This is a big deal to me, because I have friends who are gay, and this means they can no longer be denied this.

Equality-flag

I’m not gay. I AM an ally. I support my friends who are affected by this. I am excited and elated for them. I want to break out the party streamers and whistles and throw a huge celebration for them! I am stoked that they are now considered my equal.

I got to personally break the news to one of my LGBTQ friends on Facebook this morning, and I could feel her excitement through her responses. I wanted to cry because I was so happy for her! Her wife is at work, and she called her to tell her the news, and she got on Facebook, too, to share in the celebration. I hope they know how much being able to share this experience with them, even through the internet, means to me.

It gives me so much pride to be able to say that I supported this and it finally happened. I want all of my friends who are LGBTQ to know that today is about them, and I feel like a proud mama standing on the sidelines cheering them on while they celebrate this huge accomplishment. It gives me more joy than I can even express!

Oh My! Carbonara!

I made my carbonara tonight. I haven’t made that in forever, and I almost forgot how to do it. But, it turned out just as amazing as it always does, and my hubby stuffed himself, and is currently sitting on my couch moaning about how full he is! I’d say it was a success.

My carbonara is a little different. I don’t use egg in it, and it has mushrooms instead of peas. I made traditional carbonara one time, and decided I preferred this recipe. It’s not just that it’s super-easy to make, but I like the way it tastes better, too!

Carbonara

Ingredients: 
1 – pkg. bacon
1 – pkg. linguine or fettucine noodles
1 – pkg. mushrooms, sliced
1 – pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese or Neuchâtel cheese, cubed
1 – tbsp. minced garlic
1 3/4 to 2 – cups milk
Salt, pepper, dried parsley, and garlic powder, to taste

Directions:
Start a pot of salted water for your pasta. Heat a large skillet and start frying your bacon. Fry it crispy, because you’ll need to crumble it. When your bacon is done frying, reserve 3 TBSP of the fat in the skillet and discard the rest. By now, your water should have started boiling and your pasta should already be cooking. Toss your mushrooms in the skillet with the bacon grease, and scrape all the cracklings loose from the pan. When your mushrooms are halfway cooked, add in the minced garlic, and finish sautée-ing them. Chop and crumble your bacon while your mushrooms finish. Once your mushrooms are cooked through and completely soft, add in your cream cheese and mash it against the bottom of the skillet. Check your pasta now. It should be getting close to being al dente. Once you’ve mashed and melted your cream cheese, add in your milk, slowly. You’ll have a super-runny soup at this point, but don’t worry, because the cheese will thicken it up as soon as it starts boiling. At this time, you should season your sauce and add your chopped/crumbled bacon. I used roughly a tsp. of garlic powder, salt, and pepper, but you may want more or less. Go by what tastes right, and keep stirring this mixture. Once it’s started boiling and thickened up, add it to your drained pasta.

Easy peasy and delicious!

Things That Bring me Happiness

Everyone has a thing or things that bring a smile to their face, that can turn even the shittiest day better. For me, it’s a nice latte, sitting on the beach with the wind in my face, listening to my favorite music, watching Looney Tunes, sparkling pink moscato,  or adding to my Hello Kitty collection. I love all of these things, and if I’m in a slump or my day started out on the wrong foot, I know how to make it better.

Yes. I’m a Hello Kitty addict.

“Hi, everyone. I’m Anna, and I’m addicted to the Hello Kitty franchise.”

“Hi, Anna!”

I can’t say exactly when I first discovered Hello Kitty, but I know I was already an adult by that time. I dove in head first. Hello Kitty stuffies bring me a certain childish pleasure that I can’t really explain. I think I may be drawn to them because I didn’t have a particularly awesome childhood, and it’s my small way of going back and being a child again, now that I’m an adult. It’s innocent, and just hugging up to my huge TY stuffed Hello Kitty Beanie makes me feel all warm and secure.

When I’m just feeling really “BLAH!” I pull out our espresso machine and make myself a nice tall caramel latte. I haven’t mastered the art that is a macchiatto, but I can make the meanest latte you’ve ever had! My husband prefers a dark chocolate latte, but I’m a caramel girl. Lattes make me feel warm and secure inside. I don’t know what it is about them that does this. You’d think the high caffeine content would give me a serious case of the jitters, but for some reason it calms me. I was so proud of the lattes I created a few months ago, I took a picture of mine. I think it’s beautiful!

Latte

I’m also a wine snob. I dislike a lot of wines, and even within the flavors I do like, there are brands I refuse to drink. One particular wine I’m crazy about is sparkling pink moscato. But, not just any brand will do. There are brands, like Amusant, Korbel, and Andre that I think taste like crap. I do like Beringer and Zibibbo, which is a little-known Aussie brand that I can only seem to find around Thanksgiving at Trader Joe’s. Zibibbo gives me a grin. If you pop open a bottle of that around me, I’ll be your best friend.

Zibibbo

I’m a huge music aficionado. I like to think I have eclectic tastes, but one genre I refuse to listen to is country. I hate country. If you want to ruin my day, force me to listen to country. If you want to make my day, put on just about anything else. Well, anything but Led Zeppelin. Led Zeppelin is about as bad as country. But seriously! I’m crazy about music. I’ve already shown you what I’ve got going on my iPod in the car right now, but what about a small taste of what else I like? My favorite band is Green Day. This song, Jesus of Suburbia is probably my favorite song by them.

My favorite place to go to get away from everything is the beach. It’s a long drive, but it’s worth it to just sit in the sand, watching the waves and feeling the wind blowing in my face. When we moved here, my husband showed me a sweet spot in Orange County that’s never too crowded, and I like going there if I have a chance. It doesn’t even matter if I can’t get in the water. Just being able to sit down and feel like I’m just a speck on the sand feels cleansing.

Watching Looney Tunes is a small guilty pleasure I like to indulge in from time to time, and my son is more than happy to oblige me. I think I’m developing another Looney Toons addict in him. Looney Toons makes me feel like I can just forget about everything and watch the coyote fail at trying to catch the Roadrunner time and time again. It always puts a smile on my face. When I get sick, all I want to do is lay out on my couch and flip on Looney Toons. For some reason, old cartoons are comforting.

What makes you smile? Are there any guilty pleasures you indulge in to bring happiness?

Real Beauty is More Than Skin Deep

I believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I believe that real, true, and genuine beauty is more than skin deep. I believe that you can be uglier than an ape’s backend, but if you’ve got a heart of gold, you’ll never be lonely, because true friends and real people will appreciate your sincerity more than what your face or body looks like.

Let’s face it! Beauty goes south as we age, but if you are beautiful on the inside, no matter how old you get and how many wrinkles you acquire, you’ll still be a beautiful person. There’s also an adage that says that the eyes are the window to the soul, and having a beautiful soul will keep that sparkle alive in your eyes.

I couldn’t care less what a person looks like. If that person treats me right and gives me unconditional love as I give them, then I’m happy. I don’t have any stunningly-gorgeous, supermodel-type friends, but all of my friends have the inner beauty that can’t be bought or surgically created. I love them for their personalities and for being genuine people.

When a person has inner beauty and a good soul, their appearance doesn’t matter. In fact, some of the most superficially beautiful people in the world are ugly on the inside. Surgery and makeup can’t fix a hateful person.

This post is in response to the Daily Prompt.