I’m Back… Again! With EXTRA Craziness!

I give up. I’m not even going to apologize for my long absence. I got so busy, and neglected a few things, including this blog. But, on my list of New Year’s Resolutions, I included “Blogging regularly” as one of the things I’d like to accomplish this year, so I’m going to put a lot more effort into staying on top of my little blog here.

Like I said, I’ve been busy the last half of 2015. My son is in 3rd grade this year, and school is starting to become more intense for both him and me. I’ve had family out to visit us several times since I last posted, including my little sister and her husband, just in time to throw her a killer birthday party. My man-child and I took a road trip back to Texas for Christmas to see family and friends, and my husband and I quietly rang in the New Year with a bottle of Champagne and then fell asleep.

Did you notice the part of the title about craziness? I’ll get to that now. I think I mentally blocked out a lot of the shit in my life before we moved here to SoCal, and it all came back to the surface over my Christmas trip back home. My mother flew out here to drive back to Texas with me, since my husband had to stay here to work. The idea was that she would drive back out here with me, as well, and then fly home when the trip was over, but that never happened. My mother also invited her sister down to her house for Christmas. This sister hasn’t been in contact with my mother for 23 years and she flew down from Denver to spend 5 days with us. For all the stories I’ve heard over the years about her, my aunt is actually pretty freakin’ awesome! At least I think so. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I got to spend with her before Christmas. My mother, on the other hand… Where do I even start with my fucking mother?!

I won’t sugar-coat this. My mom is borderline psychotic, and sometimes she crosses way over that line into full, mentally unstable psychosis. The week of Christmas was one of those times, and I finally just decided I’ve had enough of her shit. I’m done and I’m over it all. The Wednesday evening before Christmas, my mother took my aunt out to see a local Christmas lights attraction, and it is my understanding that on the drive to the location, they got into a discussion about whether or not the Bible condones divorce in any circumstance, and shit went downhill from there. I should note here that my mother is a one-time divorced woman and my aunt has been divorced twice. The discussion turned heated, and at that point my mother pulled over on the side of the interstate, called the police, and kicked my aunt out of her car. She then went back home, packed up all of my aunt’s luggage, and threw it out with my aunt on the side of the road. Since I’m not a shitty person and would never leave a family member stranded on the side of the road, hundreds of miles from home, with no way to get back, I went and picked my aunt up and drove her back to the airport that night. Apparently, being a decent human crosses a major line with my mother, because when I finally got back to her house after midnight, she tried to start a fight with me about it all. I managed to defuse it at that time by telling her I refused to discuss it with her then, but the following morning all hell broke loose. We were at my little sister’s house for the gift exchange, and my mother decided to get into a physical fight with me in front of my child because I took my aunt to the airport. I never once hit her, but every time she stood on top of me and tried to punch me, I pushed her off of me. She stumbled into my sister’s dining table several times. I was completely devastated and shaken apart over the entire ordeal. I ended up leaving to come home a day early, and wasn’t able to calm down and stop freaking out until I reached the other end of the state.

This brings me to another New Year’s Resolution I’ve made. I have decided that because my mother always causes and starts so many fights in our family and is just a downright nasty person on more occasions than I care to actually admit to, I’m done with her. I will be sending her a letter, informing her I want absolutely zero contact between her and anyone else in my household. In other words, I’ve decided that for the sanity of myself and my immediate family, I am cutting my mother off. Usually, this isn’t a good idea, but when a parent is a proven abuser, either mentally or physically, and they’ve been given countless opportunities to change, there comes a time when you have to stop making excuses for them and giving them second chances and just tell them to go to hell. This is where I’m at. I’m just done with it and I’m done with her. I don’t need her toxicity in my life, and living 1300 miles away from all of my family has proven that I can survive without needing them to hold my hands and help me out all of the time.

This isn’t an easy decision; I’ll be completely honest. It hurts, but I know that if I want to stop being pulled into all of the drama, I have to cut out the people who cause it. I’ll miss my mother, and all of the times she was actually a nice person to be around. I mourn the lost relationship between her and my child. However, unless I want this cycle of abuse to continue with him, I have to put a stop to it myself. Maybe when she loses everyone close to her, she’ll hit rock bottom and get help to change her ways. Until then, I won’t allow her to be a part of our lives. She causes a lot more hurt for us than she does happiness.

I hope my readers have an amazing 2016, and I wish the best for all of you! Remember, it doesn’t matter who the toxic person is in your life. You deserve better. This is my little life lesson from 2015.

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Stop Dressing as an Indian on Halloween

Last night, one of my friends tried her hardest to share, on her Facebook feed, how racist it is when people dress up as “Indians” on Halloween. She got a whole lot of blowback for it, but, for what it’s worth, I was knee-deep in her post, right there with her, trying to explain to her friends and family how racist it is to dress up as a minority for Halloween. She’s a white woman, but she’s married to a Native American man, and has a son by him who, I think, is a spitting image of his father.

She simply stated in her post that it’s just as racist to dress up as an “Indian” for Halloween as it is to dress in blackface. It’s an extremely uncomfortable place for a parent to be put in, as well, when they have to explain to their child why people are mocking his culture on Halloween. Not only is it uncomfortable for the parent, but the child learns at that moment that the world isn’t all sunshine and roses and people don’t respect people like him simply because of who he is and what blood flows through his veins.

This is wrong. I don’t care what excuse you try to come up with, it’s wrong. Don’t try to come at me with some bullshit about how “You don’t know me!” Yea, you’re right. I don’t know you; I do, however, know what you’re portraying. White privilege is an ugly beast. Last night, it was on full display in this poor girl’s comments. Her sister was literally at her throat and my throat because we called it what it was – racist. I tried my best to explain that white privilege exists and is the reason she thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to run around on Halloween dressed as someone’s culture. I tried to explain that it’d be no different from if she decided to grab Scotch tape and tape the corners of her eyes up so she could go trick-or-treating as an Asian girl.

See, the thing is, whether you acknowledge it or not, if you’re born white, you benefit from white privilege. What makes a difference is whether you acknowledge this white privilege and do your best not to offend others while working to change the skewed system, or whether you accept it and tell those who are hurt by it to stop crying about it. Our country was built on wiping out and oppressing Native Americans, and we need to face this horrible reality and do our best to stop it from continuing. But, so long as we think it’s cute or sexy to dress up as Pocahontas for Halloween, we are perpetuating this oppression and allowing the hurt and pain to continue.

So, if you thought it was a good idea to dress up as an “Indian” for Halloween, think again. Better yet, take that damn costume back to the store and get something that’s NOT racist!

Anna out!

When Will They Learn?

I’m back! And I’m not only back, but I’m pissed as all hell! For the record, I try to wait a few days after a major and controversial news story has broken before speaking my mind, because I want to get as many facts as possible before I launch into a tirade. This time is no exception, and holy crap! I’m so hot I could slap a bitch!

A couple of evenings ago, an off-duty St. Louis police officer shot a teenager and killed him. Again, St. Louis County? Will you never learn?! I’m so upset by this, I’m finding it rather difficult to properly write this post. Of course, as is always the case, the police claim the victim started the altercation, but I have a hard time believing anything these two-bit asshats have to say after the colossal fuckup that was and is the Michael Brown killing and subsequent protests. And, I’m not referring to the protestors here, I’m referring to these wanna-be Call of Duty cops.

Something must be done. How is it that one county can continue to slaughter their people simply because of the color of their skin and get away with it? Why have we as Americans not stepped in and done something to make sure these people are safe from their police force? The wheels of motherfucking justice are moving too freakin’ slow here, if you ask me, because people are dying.

I don’t believe this young man had a gun. I don’t trust these police forces in this county. Why the hell would a kid have a gun when he went with his friends to buy a goddamn sandwich? Something smells fishy here, and I’m pretty damn sure that kid’s sandwich wasn’t tuna. Also, if this cop was on his way to his next job, which is a private security job, why the hell was he stopping a group of kids walking home from a sandwich shop? They looked suspicious because of the color of their skin. Brandishing a weapon my big white ass! It’s a little hard to brandish a handgun while you’re busy chowing down on a sub sandwich. Let’s call it what it is – that stupid cop targeted them simply because their skin has a higher melanin content than his. Apparently, in St. Louis Co., walking while black makes you a criminal and you can be shot on the spot.

I want to hit something! I’m so ticked! I keep reading all of these news articles that repeat the police’s claim he shot at the officer first, and I want to scream. I’m livid. I wish just one major news outlet would come out and stand up and say to these police forces that they refuse to be their propaganda machines any longer. Just because someone with a badge makes a claim doesn’t make it fact and doesn’t mean it should be taken as such and printed by every newspaper, e-magazine, and cable news channel in the country.

There is a family grieving today. Another young black man in St. Louis County who hadn’t even started his life yet has been taken from those he loves, and we’re still waiting for the asinine D.A. to bring charges against the last killer cop there. I have no faith in that D.A. by the way. He’s as crooked as those cops that killed those two kids. I know that what he wants is to just sweep all of this under the rug like it never happened, and I’m very happy that the people he is supposed to serve are standing up and making their voices heard to make sure this whole situation doesn’t just go away.

St. Louis County needs to get their act together and remove all of these police from duty, fire this shady D.A., revamp their city councils, and clean up this corruption. It’s sad to say, but it’s all up to them, and as far as all of this is concerned, there’s not much anyone in the rest of America can do beyond showing them the utmost support while they do so. I’m not saying this because I have no faith in these protestors, but rather because I feel if the rest of America were allowed to help remove the corruption, it would get done a lot faster. If I could, I’d clean house for them, but it’s their town and their county, and they must do it for themselves. What we, who are not in St. Louis, can do is support these protestors by donating to one of these funds for those in this area. This will be a long, drawn out event that will continue for the foreseeable future, until something is done to change things, and these people need our help!

We Will Never Forget

Do you remember where you were when you found out about the terror attacks on September 11, 2001? I didn’t find out until school dismissed for the day and my mom picked us up. She had the radio in the car tuned to the local NPR station and I sat in shock the entire ride home. I was 14 and just starting ninth grade. At home, I kept the radio on NPR all evening listening to it being discussed. I was terrified. What if a plane plunged into our house in the middle of the night one night while we were sleeping and we all died? What if, while I was at school one day, a plane dropped out of the sky and blew us to kingdom come? I didn’t sleep for a few nights.

I lived in a rather small city at that time. It only had roughly 70,000 residents. I now live in America’s second largest city. I’ve accepted that the threat of terror attacks is something I’ll have to deal with if I want to live here. I’ve also come to realize that Middle Eastern-looking people aren’t necessarily the biggest threat to our well-being and safety. Being married to a man of Northern African/Middle Eastern descent has taught me that you cannot always judge a book by its cover (you have got to love that old adage.) Right now, our biggest safety threat lies in the very people that most are least concerned about – far right wing evangelicals with guns who want to “exercise” their Second Amendment “right” to bear arms and openly resist our government.

I’m not going to make this a long-winded post about them, though. I feel that would be disrespectful to the 3,000+ victims who lost their lives 13 years ago today. The fact that yesterday evening our President told the American public that he wants to start yet another war in the Middle East tells me that we, the American people as a whole, still have not learned the lessons we should have learned years ago. I’m not saying we were wrong to go into Afghanistan and try to eradicate Al Qaeda. However, we should have learned that you cannot “rid” the world of evil, and when you set out to try to do so militarily, you only draw more people to their cause and create more groups like them. Therefore, I think we will end up regretting picking another fight with this new enemy, ISIS. I don’t have the answer to making the world a safer place and helping the people who are being slaughtered by them, but we are not the “good guys” over there. We slaughtered a lot of people needlessly in Iraq and Afghanistan and completely destroyed and disrupted their way of life. To think we could swoop in and be their savior is a very flawed viewpoint.

I mourn for the victims of all needless violence today. I’m also ashamed of my country’s handling of foreign affairs. As a “superpower”, we should be a lot more cautious of how we use our power and ensure we only use it for good. I fear we’re headed into another open-ended war with no good outcome. It will only wreak havoc on our economy yet again and cause destruction and mayhem where we do not need to cause it.

Today is a sad day.

In Memory of Robin Williams

Monday afternoon, I had gotten myself and my kiddo into the car to go pick my husband up from work. I started my car, and as usual, my radio was tuned to MSNBC on SiriusXM. The VERY first thing to come out of the speakers was, “And for any of our viewers just tuning in, we have just received breaking news that Robin Williams has been found dead at his Northern California home a few hours ago of an apparent suicide by asphyxiation.” I kid you not, I had to pick my jaw up off my lap and put it back on my face!

I’ve always loved Robin Williams. He’s always been one of my favorite comedians and actors. I wanted to scream at my radio the entire time we were driving down the freeway. I wanted to yell that this was a cruel joke and it wasn’t funny, even though I knew it wasn’t a joke at all. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I was in so much shock all I could do was sit behind the wheel feeling dazed and robotic as I made my way through traffic.

My child is too young to really know who Robin Williams is or understand how much of an impact that one man has made on several generations of Americans. I’m not sure my son has even seen Aladdin! (I’m planning to rectify that situation this weekend, though.) He doesn’t know that the world’s funniest man EVER had just taken his own life. He could tell it was obviously a big deal to me because of my reactions, but he didn’t understand why.

Over the course of the evening, I kept thinking back to his movie, What Dreams May Come. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I’ll warn you that this video contains spoilers, but it’s still worth a watch.

This clip is so poignant in light of Robin Williams death. I can’t help but tear up watching it.

Robin Williams did so much good during his life, and no blog post or article would be complete without mentioning what he has contributed off-screen and off-stage. Besides his amazing comedic value, I believe it’s important to remember how generous Robin Williams was with both his time and his money. He supported several AIDS charities,  multiple cancer charities, and numerous children’s organizations. He was also a major USO contributor and a spokesman for St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. A complete list of his charity work and causes can be found at looktothestars.org .

The world will not be the same now that Robin Williams has left us, but thanks to modern technology, we can always keep a piece of him with us and remember the best of him, as I’m sure he would have always wanted us to. His depression was a personal demon that he didn’t mind sharing with us, but it was his burden alone to bear. I believe Robin would have wished for the world to not dwell on the sadness of his passing, but rather on the laughter and joy he gave us. He would have wanted us to be happy and smile and only remember him at his best. This, I believe, is Robin Williams’ finest:

There are many other examples on YouTube of Robin Williams doing what he does best, but that is still my favorite!