Talk About Brutal!

I have got to get that PT referral going. There’s just no putting it off any longer! I think I’ve reached my personal breaking point. When I get to the point that I’m constantly having to drug myself up on pain relievers and muscle relaxers, it’s time to quit procrastinating and just get it done.

As you’re aware, I have Fibromyalgia. I spoke about this at length in a prior post. Well, not only do I have that, but I also have scoliosis, or curvature of the spine. I’ve been to a physical therapist once before, and he literally straightened me out over the course of about nine weeks, but it hurt like motherfucking hell every time he touched me. Yes, I did feel so much better afterwards, but I dread going back and doing it all over again because it was sheer torture to go through.

My particular PT involved ultrasound massage, which is a misnomer, if you want my honest opinion. It isn’t massage at all, because the word “massage” implies relaxation and something that feels pleasant. This isn’t anything like that. It involves the therapist taking a hard metal ultrasound wand and rubbing it roughly across your back while applying a decent amount of pressure. For a person with Fibro who has many pressure points on her back, this is excruciating. The least unpleasant part of my appointments was always after the massage, when he’d perform manual subluxation, just like a chiropractor.

Currently, I have a pinched nerve somewhere in my back or neck that is causing pain to shoot up from the left side of the base of my skull. I spent last night tossing and turning, in extreme pain, and when I got up this morning I took a full Flexeril and a diclofenac. That’s always a sign I’m doing pretty badly. I never take a whole Flexeril unless I can’t take the pain any longer. I’ve actually been taking quite a few full doses, so I’ve burned through almost my entire bottle a lot faster than I normally would, and this is going to present a few problems in a few days if I don’t call my doctor and ask her to re-write me a script for it, because I’ll be asking for a refill too soon, and there’s a pretty good chance my insurance will deny it if I don’t.

I spent the entire day today in bed. I got home from taking my hubs to work and crashed. Hard. I crashed so fast, I didn’t even get my bra taken off, and I don’t normally sleep in that because the underwire is extremely uncomfortable! I slept from 8 this morning until roughly 1 this afternoon, when I woke up hungry and decided to take Taco Bell up on that offer for a free Doritos Locos taco if you use their mobile app to place an order.

So, that’s where I’ve been. Sleeping.


I have Fibromyalgia. This has got to be one of the most frustrating diagnoses that one could ever be given, because no doctor is sure what causes it, exactly how to fix it or make it better, and there isn’t even a universal medication for it. It’s also frustrating because you can be completely fine and feeling awesome one day, and the next be laid up in bed with so much pain you wish your mattress would swallow you alive.

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2012, but I believe I first started showing symptoms the summer of 2008. There is a theory floating around that says that a trauma to your body, such as a bad car accident or a major surgery, can trigger Fibromyalgia, but not everyone can identify a trigger. I believe mine could have been my C-section and the birth of my pre-mature son.

The year of 2008 is really fuzzy for me. I know I slept almost the entire summer away. I was always so exhausted that I would spend almost all day and all night, every day, in bed sleeping. I didn’t know why I was so tired. I couldn’t really explain it, and I even secretly thought my mother was right when she’d come over and get on my case about being “lazy” because I was always in bed. My self-esteem took a nose-dive. I couldn’t help it. I felt worthless because I slept constantly.

This was also around the same time I started having a lot of problems with back pain. I now have a diagnosis of scoliosis, but back then I just knew my back hurt. It didn’t hurt just a little bit, either. If I’d pick my son up the wrong way, pain would shoot up my back or my sides, and I’d be laid up for days, trying to deal with it.

When I got diagnosed, my primary care doctor had sent me to see a spine specialist, who told me he couldn’t find anything wrong with my back. The night before the appointment, I had found an article online about Fibromyalgia. I think one of my friends who also has it had posted something about it, and I’m the curious type, so I started reading up on it. I found a little questionnaire to fill out to help identify if you suffer from Fibromyalgia or chronic pain, and I was actually astonished when I started going through it and realized how many of the questions I personally identified with. So, when I went to my appointment, and the doctor told me that my MRI looked fine to him, I asked him if he thought I could possibly have Fibromyalgia. He, of course, told me that wasn’t his expertise, but he said it was entirely possible, so he called my primary doctor and asked her to refer me to a Rheumatologist.

It didn’t take my Rheumatologist more than ten minutes to diagnose me, and on top of Fibromyalgia, he also said I have the beginnings of osteoarthritis in one of my knees, because it crackles when I bend and straighten it. He prescribed me Lyrica, which in the beginning was a godsend for me.

Another thing that was extremely helpful for me, was getting the diagnosis of scoliosis, because I was referred to PT for ultrasound massage and subluxation. I’m not shy to say that ultrasound massage hurts like a royal bitch! But, it’s totally worth it. After around twenty sessions, we were able to get my back all straightened out, which lessened a lot of my pain.

I no longer take Lyrica. It quit working for me. I already experienced what people call “brain fog,” and there towards the end, my head was getting even foggier, and my doctor wanted to increase my dosage. I didn’t feel like the higher doses were helping at all, when I tried them, but I was feeling even more confused than before, so I made the decision to titrate off Lyrica. I know it wasn’t helping anymore, because my pain severity hasn’t increased at all since stopping the medication. I am, however, a lot less foggy than I was while taking it.

I could go on and on and tell you so much more about Fibromyalgia, but I’m following the Daily Prompt, which asked us to write for no more or less than 10 minutes. If you have any questions about my experiences with Fibromyalgia, or are even wondering what it is, feel free to comment.